1. my dad is "counting on me" to finish grad school in public health specifically. for what reason? is it going to better his standards of living? what is a diploma with my name on it going to do for him? just when i thought i had done something good enough like graduate from college in 4 years--there's something more that i have to do meaning more pressure. i don't need someone to manage my life and i don't need people to judge me based on my grades or my major. when you get older, you realize that making other people proud of you doesn't matter. what matters is finding ways to make myself happy and people should be proud of me for that.
2. my brother is chilling in sd because of me. if i change majors and move to northridge, it'll be my fault that he moves back to oxnard. but is the fact that he moves back to oxnard my fault?! i have things that i want to do in my life and i can't have people holding me back even if it's a family member. honestly, i can't catch a break and he's lounging over here for the past 6 years. he needs to realize that everyone's life is sink or swim and if i move and he sinks that's not my fault nor is it my problem.
3. i'm stuck in something that i don't want to do so that i can make someone proud of me for bragging rights and being able to say this and that, not based on my talent and what i can accomplish other than academia. i'm stuck being somewhere i don't want to be so that someone else doesn't have to move back to somewhere they don't want to be. while everyone else is happy, i'm miserable. while everyone else is living care free, lounging, and bragging, i'm stuck studying hours on end about things i don't even care about and don't really understand the concern for. i can't keep doing things for other people so that they can get the better end of it. i'm not a fucking robot and i'm tired of saving the day for other people. i'm making myself sick, miserable, and restless so that others can live comfortably. fuck that.

Sorry, you do not have permission to comment.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.