They only wish they had it this good
spring 2k9 @ sdsu
SMILE MORE =)
I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?
spring 2k9 @ mesa college
Tuesday. 8.3.10 3:00 pm
it felt so good to do something so bad. that's the only reason why something that was never supposed to mean anything to me ended up being so hard to let go of.
let's go back now.
Wednesday. 1.20.10 7:07 am
xanga. sharpie-d x's on our hands. random exchanges/socials/kickbacks. smoking in the garage. going to school in our pj's. friendster. hanging out on campus but never going to class. random frat parties.
i kinda miss it.
the funny thing is...
Thursday. 12.3.09 5:28 am
i don't know why i still think about him when it's beyond obvious that he's long gone. despite that...he and i know pretty much all the same people (even though i didn't actually meet him til a lil later) for so long that time is gonna catch up with he and i.
i have all these mixed up emotions over him and i wonder why because i wasn't attracted in the first place but he ended up being a charmer, intelligent, and plain nerd. it's ridiculous that i'm thinking about him when i know that i don't come up in his thoughts but maybe i do once in awhile. this is ridiculous because i know if he didn't live so far and i saw him every now and again i'd just blow him off and get bored of him. i wish he was here because he's not. but i know if he was here i wouldn't want his attention anymore. but then maybe i do and i'm just in denial.
i mean he's a nice person and all. i'm just conflicted. how am i supposed to get to know someone i'm not even sure i want to know when they're over 500 miles away? it's all pointless right?
Friday. 11.13.09 4:06 am
Thursday. 11.5.09 1:34 am
i can sit around all day and wait for the other person to change the situation or i can take a risk and try to change it myself.
this time, i'll take a risk. i'd rather know up front then to never know at all.
Friday. 10.30.09 5:42 am
trying to find peace within myself:
Have you ever felt embarrassment not for what has happened but because of the way you felt afterwards? for me, i guess sometimes i feel embarrassed/ridiculous for caring too much SLASH not being able to carry on like most people are able to. i guess the reason i would feel embarrassed about what i feel after is someone thinking that i'm reacting in a way that is completely irrelevant/irrational or i'm being too emotional. whenever i start to feel like this, i tend to just run from it and forget that person ever existed/break ties and all that to avoid the awkwardness i feel because i think they'll feel awkward about it too.
BUT at this moment, i feel like it's okay..that it's human nature to have emotion and that maybe this time i don't need to break ties to stop myself from feeling the awkwardness even though the awkwardness is still here. rather this time, i'm not going to act stronger than i really am to get by nor am i going to act heartless to make it seem like i have an upper hand over people when that's not at all how i feel or how it is. i think this time i'm going to let myself settle in it and just sort it all through and see where i end up in the end.
anyway, it's about time i react with emotion rather than pushing it all out of the way. even though i feel an ounce of embarrassment for showing that i have a heart i'm not going to shy away from it. LOL!
NuTang is the first web site to implement PPGY Technology. This page was generated in 0.002seconds.
|All content © Copyright 2003-2047 NuTang.com and respective members. Contact us at NuTang[AT]gmail.com.|